Step by step guide to repent and pray for marriage healing and restoration

If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land. Now my eyes will be open and my ears attentive to the prayers offered in this place. 

2 Chronicles 7:14-15 NIV

Step 1: Render your heart to the Lord 

The first and most important step is to completely and sincerely repent from your sins and turn your face towards God. This is not a basic prayer that you say in passing, but a deep sincere and remorseful prayer for forgiveness. Remember that God judges the intentions of your heart.

“Even now,” declares the Lord, “return to me with all your heart, with fasting and weeping and mourning.” Render your heart and not your garments. Return to the Lord your God, for he is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love, and he relents from sending calamity. Who knows? He may turn and relent and leave behind a blessing, grain offerings and drink offerings.

Joel 2:12-14 NIV

Consider a 3-day prayer and fasting for the purpose of repentance. 

When the disciples asked Jesus why they couldn’t cast out the evil spirit, Jesus said to them. “This kind can come forth by nothing, but by prayer and fasting.” Mark 9:29 KJV. Where you have a big spiritual warfare, praying and fasting will help you put all your focus on God. 

Note: Please get approval from your doctor or a medical personnel before you fast. 

Here is a few recommendations to make it easier for you to remember what to pray for 

• Note down what you want to pray for in a notebook/journal beforehand. It could be the current issues affecting your marriage, for example, communication, lack of intimacy, infidelity, financial struggles etc.. If you are unsure, you can ask the Holy Spirit for wisdom.
• As you pray, note down any more issues that come to mind. These can be more areas to pray over, God’s answer to your prayer requests inform of a suggestion or Bible verse. Noting them down will help you remember to continue praying over them for clarity and or guidance. 

Step 2: Turn Away from sin completely 

The second step is to decide in your heart that you will not sin again. 

God has given us freedom (Gal 5:13), but we should not use the freedom to indulge our desires. Secondly, God has promised us that He will never let us be tempted beyond what we can bear, but when we are tempted, he will also provide a way out (1 Corinthians 10:13).

Galatians 5:13-14 NIV

You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love. For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” 

You need to choose to obey God everyday, to walk in step with the spirit everyday, to not do anything that you wouldn’t want your husband to do to you. 

Galatians 5:16-17 NIV

So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want. 

Here are some some things you need to completely turn away from for a healthy and functional marriage: 

1. Entertaining marriage destructive  thoughts: For example indulging in lustful thoughts involving someone that is not your husband – be it fantasies or memories, indulging in fantasies of being divorced, and arguing or plotting something wicked against your husband. 

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.

Proverbs 4:23 NIV

Philippians 4:8 NIV

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 

2. Entertaining inappropriate conversations: Avoid flirting with a friend/colleague, sexual jokes, making nasty or disrespectful comments to your husband, indulging in gossip about another couple/infidelity.

Ephesians 4:29 NIV

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 

Ephesians 5:3-4 NIV

But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving. 

3. Entertaining ungodly relationships: Turn away from relationships with people who are vengeful, sexually immoral, selfish and manipulative, and people who lack self control. 

1 Corinthians 15:33 NIV

Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.” 

Proverbs 4:14 NIV

Do not set foot on the path of the wicked or walk in the way of evildoers.

4. Entertaining lies and infidelity: Avoid entertaining an affair whether online, mental or physical at all costs. Turn away from small and big lies and harmful secrets.

Hebrews 13:4 NIV

Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. 

Psalms 5:6 NIV

you destroy those who tell lies. The bloodthirsty and deceitful you, Lord, detest.

That said, don’t feel overwhelmed by all you have to do. You have God’s help. He doesn’t expect you to do all this by yourself. You can and should invite Him for help. For it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose. (Philippians 2:3). All He requires of you is your total submission to Him. Which brings us to the third step. 

Step 3: Surrender your will and marriage to God 

Now that you have made the choice to turn from your sinful past, the next very important step is to surrender yourself completely to God. This means that you will seek Him first in everything, you will rely on His guidance, and obey His commands. 

For you to do this, you need to 

1. Submit your marriage to God in prayer (Seek Him first)  

Pray over any issues you encounter in marriage before turning to anyone else. For example; in the case that your husband has stopped voicing his love for you, you need to pray for wisdom to know what to do and ask God to restore the romantic love your husband had for you. 

2. Trust in God even if you don’t see any tangible/physical evidence (Rely on His guidance) 

Once you have prayed, remain expectant that God will answer your prayers. 

James 1:6 KJV

But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 

Some of the ways to stay in expectation of God’s answer is to: 

• Praise and thank God for His faithfulness: Thank God for things He has done for you in your marriage; for example something you appreciate about your husband. Praise God for who He is and thank Him for answering your prayers.
• Use words keenly. Don’t allow yourself to speak death over your situation. In keeping with our example: profess your husband’s love by affirming him when he does anything remotely positive. Avoid saying things that can push him away or discourage his love. For example heavily criticizing him for not loving you the way he ought to. 
• Use the word of God to remind Him of his promises and to encourage. For example the Bible says “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, “ Ephesians 5:25.  You can use this scripture to continue standing in faith in the Lord. 

3. Do what God asks of you without complaining (Obey His instructions) 

Once you pray, God will give you direction, directly or indirectly. He can do it by either bringing an idea or Bible verse of instruction to mind, confirming it through another person, or even speaking to you directly by voice. Whatever the case, be keen and alert to hear His instructions and follow them when He gives you.

God knows your marriage issues better than you do. He wants you to trust in Him and He will guide you. 

Job 22:21-23 NLT

“Submit to God, and you will have peace;then things will go well for you. Listen to his instructions,and store them in your heart. If you return to the Almighty, you will be restored, so clean up your life.

Step 4: Pray for the ability to forgive each other

James 5:16 NIV

Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.

One of the requirements that Jesus gave us when praying is to forgive; “And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” Mark 11:25 NIV. Ask God to reveal to you any areas where you need to forgive your husband or anyone else you may be holding something against.

Example: Dear Lord, show me where I need to forgive my husband or anyone else I am still holding in my heart. Help me let go of the pain, anger and hurt.

Your husband could also be feeling betrayed, heartbroken, frustrated and confused. You need to pray for his healing and peace. And for a soft and compassionate heart so that he can be able to forgive you and trust you again. 

Example: 

Dear Lord, please heal my husband’s broken heart and bind up his wounds (Psalms 147:3). Soften his heart and help him forgive me the way you do. Fill his heart with compassion and help him learn to trust me again. Let me be genuinely repentant.

Where we have unresolved issues, I pray for wisdom and discernment to know how to resolve them. Teach us to depend on You for guidance and protection and help us put You first in our marriage. Teach us how to meet each other’s needs in marriage and help us be content and fulfilled in our marriage in Jesus, name, Amen. 

Find more marriage restoration prayers here:

• 6 Prayers for Marriage Restoration
• Prayer for Marriage Restoration After Adultery
• Prayer for My Husband to Love Me Again
• A Prayer for God to Intervene in Your Marriage

Encouraging words 

Lastly, pray for wisdom and faith to believe that God is able to restore your marriage. It may seem impossible to you, but with God, all things are possible (Matthew 19:26)